LHM Acknowledges: Who I'm Thankful For

     Happy belated Thanksgiving and impending Christmas, folks. I hope that everyone was able to see those that they love and stuff their faces.

     If you are on facebook, you know that a lot of people have taken part in this "30 days of gratitude". I myself have posted a few things, but skipped a lot of days. I really enjoy it. I love seeing what everyone is thankful for every day. It makes the little things come to light and I wish people would do it all year long. It's also got me thinking about the one thing I am more grateful for than anything else: my family.

    In particular, one event which happened in my family in 2008 that really showed me the love my family had for me and the strength that we possessed. I am going to tell this story now. It's lengthy, but it's beautiful, and for reasons of fear and compassion, I remember every single detail. None of this is filler. This is all vivid in my memory.

     In February of 2008, I went into the doctor to get a lump in my throat checked out. I had felt it in my throat for over a year, and thought it was about time I saw what was up. Really never thought it was a big deal, in fact I had even joked about it being a tumor with some of my siblings (I know tumor's and cancer aren't funny, but humor is a coping mechanism when you're hiding a bit of fear). My wonderful doctor ordered some tests, I went and got them done, and sort of forgot about it over the next couple days.

     I believe it was a Wednesday when I woke up around 11:30 and quickly went upstairs, wondering why on earth my mother let me sleep so late. I found my mom and dad sitting at the kitchen table together with lunch and a plate for me. Well, this was off....my parents didn't make lunch together. What is happening here? Not that my parents aren't thoughtful enough to make me food, but gosh I was sleeping, and it just all didn't make much sense. I knew something was up. I don't think I asked, just sat down and started eating.

     My dad was actually the first to tell me what was going on, which was also strange because my mom was really the one who knew all this medical stuff and my dad would usually be just uncomfortable with it. I now know that my mom was terrified and it was probably for the best that my dad spoke- my mother would have started crying and really scared me, and it was already scary enough, the sight of them at the table together (no offense mom and dad). My dad says, "The doctor called back, and he needs you to go get some more tests done."

     Huh?

     I asked him why, but I think I directed it towards my mom, who I remember was just sitting there in an odd way, the fact that she wasn't talking made me nervous so I think I was trying to get her to say something. She responded, "the tests said that it was indicative of neoplasm." Okay mom, I'm 18 years old. What on earth does that even mean? When I asked, she just said, "it means that it is a tumor and they need to find out if it's cancer."

     Unless you have ever heard the word cancer applied to yourself, you just can't understand the feeling. It's the only word you hear. As my mom and dad began to explain to me, "But Lizzy, thyroid cancer is not necessarily terminal." "If you have to get cancer, this is the one you want." "You're gonna be fine." "They're not even sure yet." They might as well have grown stethoscopes from their ears and been holding diplomas and saying, "cancer. cancer. cancer." Meaning that to me, my parents knew everything and they were telling me that I had a tumor and I might have cancer.

     Within the next 24 hours, all of my sisters and brothers showed up at my house, including my brother in laws and my sister in law.   This is quite a feat considering two lived in the country 90 miles away, two lived downtown, and everyone had jobs and some had multiple children. But they were all there and vowed to go to the surgeons office with me. All 8 of them plus my parents! And they did. They were all in the waiting room with me, only just to find out if I was going to have to get it removed and exactly what kind of tests were to be ordered. I think the staff thought we were nuts, but I didn't care. I had my mom, my dad, my six sisters, my four brothers, and my oldest niece with me. My thirteen best friends. And no matter how crazy people thought we were, they weren't going anywhere.

     At the appointment, I was told that I would need an ultrasound and a biopsy, but no matter the outcome, it would need to be removed. The surgeon explained thyroid cancer to me. He told me that it was a cancer that would most likely not be fatal. However, he also told me a story of a colleague of his who left his untreated, and died from it. I remember my dad's face. I had never seen him scared before, and it killed me. I walked out of the office like a zombie, and I saw all these eyes on me, terrified and concerned, and I just burst into tears. They didn't even say anything, they just swarmed me like geese, only without pecking my eyes out. They hugged me and they all cried, too. Even though this was an "easy cancer" and we didn't even know for sure, they knew I was scared, and it scared them, too.

     The next week was a complete blur. I laughed my way through the ultrasound, while my mom cried. My ultrasound tech's name was Elizabeth, and I remember asking her if she thought the name "Elizabeth" was as hard to sign as I did. She agreed with me. I always have a hard time signing my name. At one point my mom just whispered, "why is that thing in my daughter's body?" And I found it hard to laugh after that. My family seemed to be more on edge than I was. I joked about it a lot, and when they did the biopsy, I told my mom that it tickled. I know now that it is impossible to lie to a nurse, and especially one like my mom, who knows everything.

     As we waited on the results, my mom was talking about how if it was a malignant (cancerous) tumor, they would have to remove it immediately. If not, then I would have time to go get tested for a platelet disorder that runs in my family that causes hemorrhaging during surgery. I remember thinking, "Great. So, if I have cancer, as if that wouldn't be bad enough, I have to get it cut out right away and I might bleed to death. And if I don't have cancer, I have to wait to get it cut out of me, and pretend even longer that this is one big joke and that I'm not terrified of having my throat cut open."

     Then my mom got the phone call, and she started jumping up and down, ecstatic. "Lizzy, it's benign. It's benign! You don't have cancer! You're gonna be okay!" I can't explain to you that feeling. It's like someone putting your life back in place, telling you that everything you ever wanted was again, possible. That life was fine, instead of horrible, instead of complicated, instead of terrifying. Then she said, "Now I'm gonna call the surgeon and reschedule your surgery so that we can get you tested for the blood disorder." And I burst into tears and that whole layer of armor and fearlessness melted away. My mom stood there and asked me what I could possibly be crying about, and in the middle of the hospital, I sobbed and I told her.

     "Mom, I don't have cancer so what? They told me that either way it didn't matter, I had to get this thing in my throat cut out of me. I have to have my throat slit open. I have to get put to sleep and trust these doctors to not cut me too deep and cut my throat and kill me. I can't pretend I'm not scared anymore. I'm terrified, and I just want this over with." My mom just hugged me and told me that it would be over. Very soon, and with better results than I had imagined.

     After that, I had to go to the Cancer Center for the blood tests. While I was getting my fourth vial of blood drawn, I saw a flyer for donating blood, and mentioned that I can't wait to donate blood again, since I couldn't at the time because I had just gotten a tattoo. The nurse looked at me sympathetically and said, "well, you can't donate blood anymore." I asked her why, and she said, "well, why are you here?" I realized at that moment that if I had had cancer, it would have changed a lot more than I realized, and I was eternally grateful. To the nurse, who was completely out of line and about to get a mouthful from my sister Mel if I hadn't stopped her, I just said, "I'm here because i don't have cancer. And if and when I want to donate blood, I'm sure a lot of people would be happy to have it." And then, we skedaddled. 

     A few days later, on the eve of my surgery, my family was there again, as well as my two best friends, Amy and Kenny.  They played board games with me,  they danced and listened to me play guitar, they did whatever they needed to do to get my mind off of it. In the morning, they all woke up at 4:30 so that they could be with me while I got ready to be there at six. I sat on the couch the majority of the time, and I remember telling my brother that I really felt like I was going to die. I was that scared, that I was convinced that I would never wake up after they put me out.

    At six AM, all of us were there in the waiting room of the surgery center at the hospital. When they brought me back to get my IV and wait, they told me I could only have two people in the room at a time. First I had my parents, and when the nurse went out to get the next two people to tell them they could come back, she saw how many people were there and made an exception, allowing more and more people to join me. It helped, considering there was a four hour delay for my surgery. The nurses  kept commenting about how well behaved and patient I was, when really, I was just too scared to let them put me under. I wanted it to be over, but I was terrified.

     Eventually, they came, and the next thing I remember is waking up itchy and blind (no glasses) and wanting my mom, as well as feeling completely grateful for life, and being alive. I laughed and smiled the whole cart ride to my room. It was over. I had a horrible, nasty gash across my neck, I had to spend the night in the hospital, I had cried a lot of tears, but I was alive, and that was the only thing I cared about.

    The moral of all of this is that the only thing that matters is family. Maybe they aren't blood, maybe you picked them up on the side of the road, maybe you met them yesterday, but when you feel that they're family, that's what they are. They won't let you go through anything alone. They cry when you cry, and when you're scared, they're more scared. No matter what terrible things happen that come between you and them, they're still standing on the other side for when that goes away.

     So to my family as a whole, I want to thank you for making that a memory that I no longer look back on as scary. I look back on it as a time when my families unrelenting love made me strong. I want to thank you for telling me you'd shave your heads if I had to lose my hair. I want to thank you for being more scared than I was so that I got to be the fearless one. And I have a message for each of you individually, because you all helped me in your own way.

Julie - Thank you for your worried face. I never doubted that you loved me one second because every time a new piece of scary news emerged, your eyes got wide and you looked at me like you couldn't bear the thought of losing me. I also want to thank you for letting me read to you from my rock encyclopedia when I didn't want to talk about tumors or blood work. You may not have cared much about the Doobie Brothers or how country has roots in rock and roll, but you pretended, and it distracted me and made me feel like I was something other than a victim. Thank you. I love you.

Kevin - Thank you for coming to my house after you got off work instead of going home to your kids. You changed a lot of your life to be able to come over and watch funny movies and laugh with me and it meant more than you will ever know to know how much you were there for me and keep my mind away from it all. Thank you. I love you.

Niki - Thank you for bringing me get well cards from your kids. Thank you for your constant comments and telling me how badly you wished it was you in that position. I always believed that you meant that but I am so glad that it was not you. Thank you for telling me that you felt the same way before your heart surgery, that you felt you would never wake up either, but that you were completely confident that I would. Thanks for pulling teeth to get sitters for your kids and spending so much gas money to come out constantly. Thank you. I love you.

Rich - After my surgery, you called me and I was so messed up on the drugs that I thought you were someone else the whole time. When you eventually told me who you were, I kept apologizing and you said, "it's okay, you're still my favorite sister in law, even without half a thyroid." And then you told me you still thought I was beautiful even with a gash on my throat. Thanks also for letting Niki come out so much and being so patient. Thank you. I love you.

Kelly -Thank you for being one of the only ones who didn't get angry with me when I would lash out and be angry. You always just smiled and let me bitch at you until I could be happy again. Thank you for spending your last ten dollars on train tickets to be with me. Thank you for sitting in my room with me and telling me that it should have been you, even though you were wrong. You also constantly found "reinforcements" to help me get my mind off of it, no matter what you had to do, you made sure I was thinking of something else. Thank you. I love you.

Melrose - Thank you for finding me the best doctors and going with me to my appointment for my bloodwork in the city. Thank you for thinking of me even when you were at work, and passing around cards for your co-workers to sign. You had to get three cards! (I still have them). You also stayed home from work a day or two to be with me. For someone with such an important job, that's a lot. You are one of the most thoughtful people ever, buying me sweet little gifts and always making sure I was comfortable. Thank you. I love you.

Brian-  Thank you for the beautiful flowers you sent me, with the card that said, "Get better so you can continue showing off your many talents." That was one of the coolest messages I have ever gotten. It made me feel hopeful and good about myself at a time when previously I had felt neither of those things. You also were one of the only ones who didn't talk to me all sympathetically, rather you spoke to me the same way you always had, and it made me feel better constantly. Thank you. I love you.

Tony - Thank you for showing me at that time just how lost you would be without me. I remember you coming into my room after we found out that it was a tumor, and sitting on my bed and crying. You kept apologizing that you had made fun of me for the previous year, telling me that I had a tumor and joking around about it, when it turned out to be just that. You kept telling me that you loved me so much and you never realized how much I meant to you until you thought that you could potentially lose me. And you have always treated me awesome ever since. Thank you. I love you.

Mandy - Thank you for not eating after 6 PM with me the night before my surgery. I had to quit eating 12 hours prior, and you were the only one who did that with me. We were playing a game and I remember there were chips and dip in the middle of all of us and it was torture! But you stuck it out. Thanks for always having a kind and understanding tone and rearranging your life to do whatever you could for me. That's more than a sister in law would generally do and that's why I consider you my sister, knock off that in law stuff. Thank you. I love you.

Rosie - Thank you for the beautiful art you made me when I was in the hospital. I also remember you wanting to spend the night in the hospital with me but mom wouldn't let you. I have never seen anyone disappointed to NOT get to sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair. That was sweet of you. Thank you for keeping humor in my life at that time, and just like Kelly, looking for "reinforcements" for me. In true Rosie Fashion, I remember you saying, "it's like....crazy, I mean, you have a TUMOR. A TUMOR LIZZY." But instead of being scary to hear, you actually made it pretty funny. Thank you. I love you.

Joey -  You were so young at the time, and the innocence and the terror in your eyes when you were told what was happening really made me realize how much you looked up to me then. I remember hearing you talk about it to your friends, and how scared you were. You also had your friends give me get well cards, and for a thirteen year old kid, that was pretty sweet and impressive. No matter what you think of me now, I am happy you are in my life. Thank you. I love you.

Valerie - Thank you for spending the night in the hospital with me and dealing with my criminally insane and schizophrenic ninety year old roommate. You scare easily, and normally you would have been running for the hills with that nonsense (although it sure made for some laughs later on). You INSISTED that your mother let you stay. It meant so much to me to have YOU there because you were the one who was my friend through it all, not just family. You always wished you could take my pain away and put it on yourself. Thank you. I love you.

Dad - Thank you for being my dad through it all. You made yourself 100% available to me 24/7, stayed the night at my house and let me sit around and sulk while you made me food, cleaned up after me, and pretended to be my personal assistant. I know you were scared but you tried not to show it. I saw the fear but I know you tried hard to hide it. You were never one to show your emotions through words but you told me a million times how you felt through that time, how you would do anything to keep me happy and healthy and you were always genuine. I felt how much you loved me every second of that time in my life. You are the best dad a girl could have. Thank you for spending what little money you had to buy me a couple stuffed animals to remind me of when I was a little girl and you bought me millions. It helped me more than you could possibly ever know. Thank you. I love you. 

Mom - Thank you for being my strength, my hope, and my rock through the whole thing. You googled, you made the phone calls, you stayed up all night. You took any amount of extra stress that I could have possibly had and you made sure that it all fell upon you, all the while pretending like it was nothing, and that you weren't shaking in your scrubs. Now that I have a child, I cannot possibly imagine the fear of hearing the word cancer in correlation with him, and you proved that a mother's love withstands any kind of fear you could possibly have. You missed so much work, you spent so much money, you bought me gifts, you let me cry, you went to every appointment, you found me a new "sammy" doll, you never left my side. I know what you're going to say to that, and it's "that's not something to thank me for, that's what a mother does." but that's only half correct. It is what a mother does, but it's something to thank you for because not everybody is as lucky as I am to have a mother who knows everything, not just from the books, but from the heart too, and knows how to treat one of her eight children like her only child in their time of need. Thank you for dealing with the mess I made of my life when I developed the post traumatic stress from the scare. You have no idea, not one bit, how much you meant to me at that time and how much I will always be thankful for it. Thank you. I love you.




Merry Christmas, everyone. Hug your family tight this year and every year. You have no idea when something like this could happen to you, or something worse could happen. You just don't know. Enjoy the people you love. They will be the ones who are there for you when you need them the most. Goodnight all.

LHM.

LHM Introduces You: Trent Dabbs

I am taking this time to share with you a wonderful, beautiful, amazing song that I have recently discovered and NEED you to hear. I am going to share the original song, and then my mediocre cover. I hope you enjoy both, but even if you don't like mine, you will love the original. I just mess around on the guitar, and this is just such a wonderful song to learn. Here you go. You're welcome.

And here is my silly cover.

LHM

LHM Wishes You: A Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween folks! (I know it's a couple days late, gimme a break, I have a candy induced comatose child to tend to) It's been a bit since I've written, I have to apologize. I have been going through some transitions and I promise the "WTF did you name your baby?!" post is coming but I didn't want to post anything non-halloween related on this day.

My name is Lizzy, and I am a horrorolic. I absolutely love Halloween. I love horror. I use Scream as background noise when I clean my room. I wake up from nightmares with a euphoric head rush. I read about Jeffrey Dahmer for fun. You get the idea. As such the other things I am passionate about, I live and breathe the entire genre. Halloween is a day when you can scare the pants off of someone and not get reprimanded, or you can be anything you want and no one can say SHIT (Well...they can, but it's moot).

I was listening to Eric and Kathy's morning show the other day (if you live in the Chicago area, you gotta listen to them in the morning, they are awesome) and they were reading off IMDB's list of scariest movies. Number one! The Shining (duh)... Now usually, the first several, up to maybe number 7 are just about right then they throw one in there that makes me go "whaaaaat". This time, it was number THREE. And six. And seven. And others. I guess I can appreciate the fact that it was user voted, see because a lot of people who watch movies today don't know what a good horror movie is. But really, Shaun of the Dead at number 3?!?! Zombieland at number 6? These are comedies, satires and parodies more than horror movies. When I want to watch a scary movie, I want eery music. I want my palms to sweat and my heart to pound and I want to burn calories. Like The Shining makes happen. I'm not saying Shaun of the Dead sucked, I definitely laughed, but I was NOT scared and for it to be ahead of movies like "The Exorcist" and "Psycho"? It just seems wrong. And I am also NOT saying that NEW movies can't be scary. Cloverfield was at number 5 and I am right there with them, that movie made my skin crawl.

SO, I decided to make my own list. Maybe you'll agree, maybe not, but just like my opinion towards the IMDB list doesn't matter since I didn't vote, no one's opinion matters on my list. Here goes! (I'm keeping the descriptions and reasons short and sweet, gotta get my butt moving on my next blog, it's past halloween already GOSH LHM!)

10. Halloween

This movie gets my vote for the terrifying theme song, and Michael Myers ability to walk as slowly as possible and still catch up to you. When you see is face, you know you're done. His mask gives me goosebump induced hives. His HEIGHT is tantalizing. The screams make my heart race. Then there's how effortlessly he murders his victim. He could snap me in half with one hand. I even like the re-make. I like the back story of Michael Myers. I like that the murders are derived from passion, it makes it much more horrifying. I also love being from the same state he is from in the movie ;)

9.  The Descent

Here you have a movie that didn't get much play in the States, but got good reviews from those who HAVE seen it. Just because you haven't heard of a movie, doesn't mean it isn't freakishly awesome. This is a british horror film about a cave expedition gone terribly wrong. I love it for the twist in character development as well. I don't want to give it away, but there are parts when you realize that not all of the women underground are as good of a friend as they're supposed to be, and being underground in an undiscovered cave with no communication to the outside world is a bad place to be when that happens. If you enjoy this movie, you will probably like the sequel for the continuation of the story line. It's pretty cool. Definitely worth the rental.

8. The Exorcist

Linda Blair wouldn't have to do much in this movie to make us all terrified. The way she ended up looking while possessed, they could have had 90 minutes of her staring at the camera and we'd all be screaming into our popcorn. She's NASTY! It's a little lower on my list because it can be a little cheesy at times, and I am not a huge fan of exorcism movies, I just don't usually find them that scary. But THIS movie breaks that chain and scares the shit out of me every time. Her voice, that crab walk down the stairs, all the classic movie scenes from this film are what makes it. I would never call it number one like it usually is, but it's up there.

7. The Strangers

I may get flak from my fellow horror enthusiasts for this one, but let me explain. This movie is terrifying because it's real. This could actually happen, way too easily. There's no fantasy, no ghosts, no aliens. It's terrifyingly real and things like this happen all the time there are people in the world who are that sick. This film is along the same lines as films like Funny Games and A Clockwork Orange, (it also reminds me the first season of "American Horror Story", the storyline with te group of people who knock on the door of the house saying, "I'm really hurt, can I come in?") The photo above is from one of the most terrifying scenes, where the two victims are in te basement, and they're staring out the window and Liv Tyler says, "They're watching us." Flash to this image. OMG, gets me every time. Probably the most gut wrenching line though, is towards the end when Tyler asks the intruders, "Why?"and the woman in the photo above says, "You were home." Heeeeeeeby jeeby.

6.  It

What I love about It is that you can be terrified of it even if you don't have coulrophobia. Pennywise has those eyes...those evil, evil eyes that really bite into your soul. This movie really pushes the boundaries, what with the deaths of the children and all. The book is pretty intense as well, and I don't recommend reading it when you are 13, like I did. I'm just a kook, and always have been, and if I wasn't such a wack job, the fact that I have my own child might deter me from this movie not just because of the deaths of children in it but because the entire movie is thematically about children. It's like one big bloody fifth birthday party. I think this song is solely responsible for 2 things - 1) that you never see clowns at birthday parties any more and 2) that every other person you ask will tell you that they're terrified of clowns. I don't blame them....but clowns still don't scare me.

5. Pet Sematary

"The soiiil of a maaaan's heart is....sssstonier...Looouiiiiis....." Eesh. So many eery truths, dilemmas, and decisions in this Stephen King classic. King went a little crazy in this one, and it's also got a child's death - a horrible one - and not only that but death TWICE. As a parent, this movie rattles me a little but it's one of my favorites. I think most of the fear comes from the thought of burying my child...but also the thought of burying him and him coming back looking like that ^^^ and telling me "I wanna pway wiff you mommy..." and having that mean anything but innocent play. (I hear they're trying to re-make this movie, I say let sleeping dogs lie. I'm all for re-makes but part of what is scary about this movie is the 70's setting.)

 

4. Insidious

I have to admit, this was a last minute add in. I just watched this movie yesterday, and yes it scared me so much that it jumped all the way to number 4, knocking off Silent Hill as number 10. The image above is from the first scene that really made my skin crawl. Can you imagine hearing your baby crying, going to check on her and seeing THAT?! There are many scenes like this, with terrifying faces and creepy figures. But what I loved the most was it wasn't just a big haunted house with bumps in the night and people yelling, "boo". There was a legitimate storyline. You'll recognize one of the "ghost exterminators" in the movie as Adam from the movie Saw. He wrote this story as well as Saw, and plays in both movies. Pretty cool. He's definitely gifted.

 

3.  The Hills Have Eyes

If you feel the need to smack me, refer to my intro blog, all about me. I love new horror movies just as much as old, and I think some re-makes are done remarkably well. This is one. I love this movie. I could watch it on repeat (totally have) and here's why: First of all, the makeup is grotesque and awesome. They did such a stellar job putting together all the nasty inbred freaks in the hills. They are disgusting and I love it. But mostly, each villain and "monster" has a story. They have names, a specific disorder, and a background. The more you learn, the more you get from the movie. 

2. Friday The 13th

My older sister told me when I was about 8 years old and started getting interested in horror, "You haven't seen a horror movie until you've seen Friday The 13th, Liz". She was so right. The horror movies from the 70's are more terrifying because they look more real. I am not in HD, and neither are all the serial killers out there. We're ugly, we have flaws and wrinkles, and the woman above is a million times scarier than Jigsaw any day. A woman killer is creepier anyway because you never see it ("Serial killers are typically white males" -can you name that movie??-) and seeing her with that vengeance scares the fuck outta me. Classic, wonderful, horrifying, beautiful, amazing.

 

1. The Shining

Have you ever read the book? If you are a Stephen King fan, you know that he is THE MASTER of describing the slow descent into madness. The book differs significantly from the movie, but they did one hell of a job making the film. It's risky, it's gripping, and I burn about 600 calories every time I watch it. It's one of the only movies that makes me shake and makes my heart race every time. It has a way of actually making you fear that the good people will lose the battle, even if you've seen the outcome a million times. I love it. I LOVE IT. 

 

 

Sorry if this is less thrilling than my other posts, I just really needed to get it out there so I could start working on NEW blogs. I hope you enjoyed it. Agree? Disagree? Lemme know!

 

 

LHM.

LHM Sounds Off: Jason Derulo

     You know who he is right? R & B singer with a smooth voice and lyrics that makes girls swoon. Personally, I am not a top 40 chick. I find some stuff that I enjoy, but this particular genre is not one I usually see myself playing while I'm cruising. Enter Mr. Derulo.

     I remember going downtown for a girls weekend a couple years ago, having a night out, fresh off a breakup, clubbing and spending the night at a sweet hotel. Here was my first taste of Jason Derulo. I didn't know who sang the song at the time, but it was "Ridin' Solo" and I related with it. It started out kind of soft and sappy, then he breaks into a chorus of lines about being single, and being okay, and going out, and having fun. I loved it, danced my ass off at the club, and soon forgot the song existed (that happens a lot when I find myself loving a song on the charts, unless I fall totally in love and the band/singers whole album is promptly loaded onto my ipod).

     Some time later, I hear a song that samples a BEAUTIFUL song by Imogen Heap. Heap's song was called "Hide & Seek" and is probably one of the most wonderful, painful, brilliant songs ever written, and hearing it put into hip hop made me wince a little bit. I might have enjoyed this new song, if I didn't know the original. The original song (check out the haunting video here.)was about a woman realizing the man she loves had a whole other life, with a wife and children, and the pain of realizing she has essentially ruined a life that had been so still for so long. So, hearing it with so much autotune and silliness made me a little irritated.

     Then, about a year ago, a local band that I follow heavily (7th Heaven) played a song I had heard on the radio several times, entitled "In My Head". I, again, didn't know who sang it, and didn't care, just thought it was the most fun song ever to jump around to at the show. Follow along now, at this point, I still never knew who sang "Riding Solo" or "Whatcha Say" and don't know who sings this "In My Head" song, and really only know the lyrics from going to a zillion 7H shows.

     Continuing on (you better be paying attention!!!!),  several months ago, I hear "It Girl" on the radio, and instantly find myself tapping the foot that isn't on the gas pedal. Why? I really don't know. It sort of negates what I'm normally into, but like I have stated previously, I give everything a shot. I automatically entered it into my youtube queue that I listen to while driving, and I listen to it occasionally now. At THIS point, I hear that the singer of the song's name is Jason Derulo. I still don't know that he sings the songs I have had experiences with before, but I know I have heard his name, just couldn't tell you what else he sings.

     A few days ago, I was watching X-Factor, and I hear a song playing in the background of someones sob story that makes my ears perk a little bit. I liked it, it evoked some weird emotion in me that I enjoyed. SO, I googled the lyrics (yup, I'm that girl, and proud), and find that it's the same singer as "It Girl". I instantly realized, hey, I think I like this guy, and decided to google what else he sang.

    In comes the pouring of music I already knew, but never had a name for. Wow! I was pretty happy to have a new artist to like. Let me tell you something, most people probably already knew all of these songs and enjoy his music, but I really, really love it. I looked up some of his lesser known tracks and liked those too. And I also decided to look up the lyrics to "Whatcha Say". and as irked as I was to hear that song put into something so different, I found that it wasn't such a leap after all. He turned himself into the character that Imogen Heap had fallen in love with, and wrote the song from a different point of view. He didn't betray the songs meaning, but rather decided to give us a new way to see it. I respect that. I love motown, I love the smoothness of the Temptations and Stevie Wonder, and this guy has got it. He's suave but not cocky, he's sweet but not corny, and he has a beautiful voice.

     The point of this post is to tell you to be open with things, something that I am learning to do myself. You might find that even though you have been a metal fan your whole life, you will hear a country song that speaks to you. Or maybe you have always loved rap, but suddenly you discover The Eagles, and decide that they have a new way to express those emotions. Who knows? I am going to leave you with the song "What If" by Derulo that i heard on X-Factor. If you haven't heard it, give it a shot. I really love it <3

    

LHM Sounds Off: "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

     We all know the song, right? We all know pretty much every word, and we all know that Deep Blue Something never had another hit, not one. I wonder what their concert's would be like. I once had hope for this band, being that I loved the guy's voice and wanted badly for them to have another song to make me want to sing along to, so I bought the album (don't waste your time...puke). Yeah, it sucked. Sorry, but not sorry.
     So why am I writing a blog entry in 2012 about a song from 1995? What am I trying to do? Make you relive the 90's, make you want to turn it on, make you think I'm cool as hell that I listened to the other unknown songs from a one hit wonder? Nah (but I am pretty cool), I want to bring this song into this world's manufactured green screened light to make you understand how a song based off of something so simple can become a phenomenon, and hopefully make you see that THIS can still happen. I have so much hope for music, still, even after writing a paper for my college English class comparing 1960 to 2009, in which I introduced the topic with my rage in knowing that the number one song in AMERICA was entitled "Boom Boom Pow". ANYHOOOO, let me show you what I am talking about.

     Haven't we all been in this guys shoes? That desperation, those feeble attempts to make something work, when your closing your hand so tightly around something but you know that there is a crack or a hole in there somewhere that what you are grabbing onto is going to slip through. I know I have, and that's what this song is about. I heard it on the radio today, and I stopped singing along so that I could really listen to the pain and the words, and again....that desperation.

     He opens the song with a dialogue. She's telling him that there's nothing, no common ground. Why ARE we together? What is happening here? He retaliates (in his own head, presumably) that she just doesn't give a shit. Let's be honest here, right? She doesn't care. Because if you DO love someone, you create common ground and anything else, anything that isn't "in common" melts away, or it blends, and it becomes something you learn from the other person. I currently am dating a sports fanatic. I'm not. Not one bit. I enjoy watching a baseball game but I won't pretend to understand what's happening any further than one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game. You know. 

    So he grabs at the quickest thing he can find. Well hey WAIT, remember that movie we watched? We both loved it (I'm sorry, no, they both "kinda liked it") so isn't that enough? No, it's not. Not when someone has detached themselves from you. Like this bitch has. Maybe she's not a bitch, maybe this guy wasn't any fun, maybe he only cared about his music, maybe he never held the door open for her, who the hell knows. One thing he does know, this miniscule past memory that they held in common is his last attempt, perhaps the only attempt, and it isn't going to work. And even after this MIND BLOWING BEG, she is still seeing right past it. Poor thing...he really hates when things are over.

     And repeat. Right? That's it! THAT, my friend, is the song that was number 5 in 1996 in the US and number 1 in the UK. It's unbelievable isn't it? And it's funny how we are all so quick to cast aside (myself included) modern music in which the artist talks about things that are just ridiculous, things that don't make sense, things that are flat out STUPID, when songs like this have made us bob our heads and sing in the shower for the past almost TWENTY years. Dang. It is reminiscent of an old song you might know by The Beatles entitled "Come Together". That song made no sense. But we love it, don't we?

     The reason for this post was that I heard this song, knowing that I personally enjoy it, and realized what a hypocrite I can be regarding music. Sometimes, the simplest things can mean the most, and I know that I write off songs that I think are dumb just because I don't understand it. I want to change that. I am not going to love every song that I hear, but I know I need to put myself into that world. Knowing that the things most unseen, are the most powerful. 

     Have a good evening everyone. And if you know of any songs like this, simple yet clear emotion, let me know, I'd love to check it out ;)

LHM Sounds Off: Why I love music.

    Now that people are starting to notice my blog, I thought I'd share some stories and some background on why music is so important to me. Maybe you'll connect with me at some point, maybe you won't, but either way, it will definitely explain why so much of my time and my life is devoted to researching and learning new things about music.

    When I was four, Kurt Cobain died. I remember the day clearly, because I was taught his music from birth by my older sister, Kelly. "All Apologies" was the first song I could ever sing from memory. (Okay, okay it was probably "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "Baa Baa Black Sheep" but you get the idea.) Kelly wore black that day and didn't go to school, and I cried with her, partly because watching Nirvana perform was such a big part of my bonding with my sister, and partly because I hated seeing her sad. Kelly taught me early on that you could love any kind of music and that no one could tell you that your taste sucked. It didn't suck, it was simply mine, and not yours. THAT theory has been implemented into my daily life ever since, and I try not to ever forget it.

    As I got older (8, 9, 10) I did succumb to the boy bands and the girl power invasion. My first real concert was The Backstreet Boys and I bought Spice World on VHS the day it came out. I'm glad I experienced all of that because it's something that every generation of young girls gets. Before me, it was New Kids On The Block, right now it's One Direction and Justin Bieber. It is something that every generation experiences and yeah sure, there are those girls and boys who say that they never listened to "that shit", but I for one wear it proudly. I'm glad I wanted to marry Zach Hanson. I'm glad I cried when I saw the video for "The One" by Backstreet Boys premiere. I'm glad I thought 2gether was a real band. For me, music is something to bond over, and even if you don't share the same musical tastes as an adult, most people can geek out together about whose face covered their bedroom walls as a kid.

    Blink 182 was always big with me. I saw them for the first time when I was 12, and a lot of people don't understand my love for them when most of the music I listen to comes from the 50's through the 80's. Well, I'll tell you why. When I was in eighth grade, I was bullied pretty bad. Not by the popular kids, not by anyone you'd think, but by my best friends. They left me out of everything starting about halfway through the year. They went to the movies together. They went dress shopping for the end of the year dance together, didn't let me come, and then warned me not to show up in the same color as them. They read notes I had written about my sadness over a breakup out loud to the entire class. When I cried, they told me I wanted attention. When I didn't want to talk, I was being a bitch. When I crossed my arms, I was trying to show off my cleavage. "Everybody knows you have the biggest boobs in the school, Lizzy, you don't have to flaunt them everywhere." When I was put on anti-depressants, I was trying to be cool. I think you get the idea. They were mean. But I clung to them like a tick because they were my best friends, and because there were certain days when they were nice to me. And I loved those days. Through the year, I listened to a lot of Blink. I felt like they had songs that understood my pain. There was one in particular, called "I'm Sorry", that had plenty of play through that year. The lyrics that got me through were as follows: "Don't bide your time, cuz it almost over. I know you're down, I'll see you around. I know it hurts, but you're just getting older. I know you'll win, you'll do it once again." They really got me through all of that bullshit I went through, and gave me the strength to move on and get away from those who had hurt me. So I carry that with me, and hold an attachment to the band not just because I love the music, but because I have that emotional experience with it as well.

    I have always loved classic rock as well. I have an intense love for Bob Dylan - a man who knows how to get to your gut and someone who loves music just as much as I do. I think that's one of my top reasons for respecting him like I do. I feel like he understands me, he traveled across the country to see his idol Woody Guthrie when he was ill in the hospital. He wrote a song for him. His senior picture in the yearbook listed his ambition as: "To be like Little Richard." Dylan didn't and still doesn't give a shit that he can't sing like some of his predecessors and those that came after him. He spoke the words that no one else could speak and he refused to sell them. Because no one can sing your own words like you can, no matter what your voice sounds like.

    All in all, us music lovers have something special. We have something consistent, something that doesn't change. Sure, there are a million genre's, and sure, the radio is changing and the top 40 is wildly different today than it was in 1969. But music is music. Sometimes, when my world is terrifying, and changing, and bringing me places I did not want to go, I turn on a song I've known forever, and I listen to that consistency. That song that never changed and will always be there for me. Music will never let you down. If a band that you love comes out with a disc that you don't enjoy as much as those before it, you still have those albums that came first. You are not required to listen to anything you don't like. It's much unlike life, where we have to do a lot of things we hate doing. We have to work at jobs that we dream of not needing anymore. We have to smile at customers who are yelling at you for raised prices. We have to have our hearts broken. We have to share our children when relationships end up imploding. We have to move home when we lose our jobs. We have to learn subjects in school that have nothing to do with what we want for the rest of our lives. But when I have my headphones on, I get whatever I want. I can listen to whoever I want and I can love it. I've never been let down by the people inside my iPod. And music has an intense community of artists who shared the same pains that I did. It has other people like me, who know how to get into my soul. It's powerful. It makes you laugh, it makes you cry. It makes you angry, it makes you strong. I love the fifties, but there are bands who have come out in the last few years that I see immense talent in. I thank God for allowing the world to share a love like that.

    And that, all of that, is why I talk so much about it. Why I live and breathe it. Why I plan to spend the rest of my life incorporating it into every piece: my job, my family, my friends, my spare time. I hope that I can share this love with others. I hope I can teach and learn and inspire others to share it as well. It is never a bad thing to love what you love.

"Without music, life would be a mistake." -Freidrich Neitzshe

LHM Interests You Maybe: Wait, that's a cover song?!

  
     So, in listening to the original version of "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Robert Hazard, I - wait, WHAT?!
     YES, before Cyndi Lauper released this as a single in 1983 and emerged herself into female empowering, high pitched, glittery spotlight, a man by rhe name of Robert Hazard mumbled his way through it. It feels like it shouldn't make sense, and has a bad rep, including a lot of blogs claiming it's totally "creepy". However, think about it from a man's perspective: He comes home in the middle of the night and his mom is pissed off. What does he say? "Uh, sorry mom. These girls, man, they just wanna have all of this fun with me. We hang out, and I mean sorry the phone is ringing in the middle of the night dad, you're still top dawg, but these girls....they just wanna have some fun. You get that right dad? Being number one and all...."

     You get the picture. Pretty crazy huh?!?! It makes me think totally differently of the song....I will no longer be able to belt it out with the windows down while I'm feeling all empowered as a woman because....he, in a sense, wrote it about girls being sluts. You can listen to the original song here and tell me what you think.


     ANYWAY, it got me wondering what OTHER songs there are out there that I might not have known were cover songs. There has to be millions of them. Even with my extensive knowledge of music and original music and all the research I do about the music that I love, I have found so many songs that I had NO IDEA ABOUT! So here, my friends, is the top ten most fascinating songs you did not know were covers (unless you did):

10. "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes  (originally by Jackie DeShannon)

    If you have ever been into a karaoke bar, you have heard "Bette Davis Eyes". You also know that Kim Carnes' voice seems to be tailor made for that song. She has that beautiful rasp, and just enough gusto to make you swoon a little bit even though the lyrics are just a tad wacky: "She'll expose you when she snows you off your feet with the crumbs she throws you" (huh?) So when doing my research I was shocked to find out that not only has another voice sung this song (besides women after ten martinis who believe they can sing JUST AS GREAT AS KIM CARNES!!) but someone else ORIGINALLY did it. Her name is Jackie Deshannon. I am not a fan, but it's hard to compare because the two are completely different. The original is kind of jazzy, and sung a little bit cutesy-like. I like Kim Carnes version because of the mystery element. Jackie's version is less of a warning, like Kim's versions seems to be, as if she's staying "stay away, she's no good." Take a listen and decide for yourself:

9. "Cry" by Faith Hill (originally by Angie Aparo)
   You may not know this song, but if you don't, be sure to listen to it. It was a big hit for Faith Hill, and I remember connecting with it when i heard it because I had a boyfriend who I had a mutual break up with and all i wanted was him to seem like he was sad, at all. That's what this song is about. Well, I was playing Songpop and I had the category "best covers" and "Cry" by Faith Hill is one of the songs that comes up. What?! I had no idea, so of course since it's while I'm in the midst of researching for this blog, I look up the original. OH MAN, I love it. Even better than Faith Hill's version. There is so much raw emotion and sadness, I just wanted to cry for her. She has one of those voices that could be mistaken for a man (ala Tracy Chapman) and it's beautiful. Check it out and see if you can connect with it, too. And afterwards, check out Faith Hill's version as well :)

8. "Hey Mickey" by Toni basil (originally "Hey Kitty" by Racey)
    EVERYONE knows this song, whether it's from the radio or Bring It On. It is fun, and poppy, and used in basically every dance crew, ever. I made up a dance to it in junior high. Actually, I think i still remember.....ANYWAY, turns out this was originally written for "Kitty" by Mike Chapman and given to the 70's/80's group Racey. It's rumored that Tony Basil changed it to Mickey because she had a thing for Micky Dolenz from The Monkees. She says no, but hey it's a cool theory. At least it wasn't Mickey Mouse. HaHaHa. No, I'm not funny sorry. Either way, the original is kind of 80's pop punkish. And I mean early 80's pop punkish. i love it! If for no reason other than it rhymes better by saying "Oh Kitty, what a pity..." and "Oh Kitty, you're so pretty..." that always annoyed me. But it's fun and bouncy, and you should definitely give it a shot:

7.  "Blinded By The Light" by Manfred Mann (originally by Bruce Springsteen)
     Okay, so maybe I need to be slapped around a bit for this one, but NO, I did not know this was originally by The Boss until this past week. I love Manfred Mann's version so much. It has such a different, happy, fun beat. The original sounds NOTHING like their cover. I won't pretend to understand the lyrics, but I guess that's for a different blog altogether.  Springsteen sounds a little sad in this song, I know he has a more depressing voice than the men of Manfred Mann, but they make it seem like such a happy song that it's strange to hear it sung in a sad tone. You be the judge:

6. "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell (originally by Gloria Jones)
    This one was WEIRD for me. Everyone knows the Marilyn Manson version, too, but I always just thought it was a cover of this song! The original was released in 1965 performed by Gloria Jones, who reminds me of Mama Cass or someone like her. i like her version, it's less creepy, but i still think the song sucks. I've always hated this song, never caught on to it. I don't like the beat, the words, nothing. BUT, here is the original version, maybe you'll like it.

5. "Piece of my Heart" by Big Brother and the Holding Company (originally by Erma Franklin)
    Before I get any "JANIS JOPLIN SANG THAT GOSH YOU DUMMY"'s, I am way ahead of you. Janis Joplin was lead vocals for BB&HC. So poof, there she is. They really are the heart and soul of this song. It's their version that landed on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of all Time. Joplin's voice adds such a beautiful and husky anger and frustration to the number. However, the original (sung by none other than Aretha Franklin's sister!!) has that same emotion. I have no idea why it wasn't a huge hit for her, and why she didn't have as much musical success as her sister. She's grungy and fearless and awesome. Anyway, I was suprised to find out this was a cover becaus Big Brother & the Holding Company had such commercial success with it. It's hard to have a cover have this much impact on the musical world, but that sure was the case for Joplin's band. I love both versions, they're empowering and jagged and have thrilling elements throughout both. So it's a good thing we've got both versions. Here is the original for your listening pleasure:

4. "I Love Rock & Roll" by Joan Jett (originally by The Arrows)
     Leave it to Joan Jett to do a rock song justice. I had no idea that someone did this song first, and it surprised me because that song is so signature for her and so fitting for her whole persona: vocals, style,  look, instrumentation, everything. It's a kick ass song to do karaoke because it's easy to sing and you can really rock out to it and get all over the stage (if you're into that). So in listening to the original, it was a whole different tune for me. It's sung by a man, and that's about the only difference. The beat, the tune, the style is all the same, and I think it's wonderful. I could definitely rock The Arrows' version with my windows down and surprise a lot of people. Of course, you'd get those music snobs that are all, "OMG someone covered that song?! Pish Posh!" And then of course you could retaliate and say, "Yup, Joan Jett did." Hehe. I hate music snobs. Here you go, The Arrows version:

 
    
3.  "Respect" by Aretha Franklin (originally by Otis Redding)
    Okay, okay so maybe this is another one that I should be punished for, but no, I did not know the legend Otis Redding wrote and performed this song first. Crazy!! It's another one that seemed like it was written for Aretha's voice. It is an anthem for getting that R-E-S-P-E-C-T. It seems so much like a song written for a woman bitching out a man, so to find out that a MAN wrote it, it's like getting a whole new perspective. I love it! But it WAS a shock, SO that is why it's number 3 on my list. Give it a listen here:

2.  "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia (originally by Ednaswap)
     YEAH, WHAT?! I LOVE this song. I have always obsessed over it. I love Natalie's raw emotion, fragility, rasp, I love the lyrics, I love the guitar, I love everything about it. I remember watching the Grammys as a kid and getting pissed off that the song lost to "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. I have ALWAYS loved this song, I learned it on guitar, I sing it in the shower, YEAH you get the idea. So imagine my shock knowing that she didn't create the track?! It was done by Ednaswap, an LA based alt-rock band in 1995. Her voice is semi-similar, with the rasp and the anger she is releasing. And-get this-you now know how much I LOVE Natalie's version, I ALMOST love Ednaswap's BETTER! I don't know if it's because now I know that the words are hers, and I feel her more, but I do enjoy it, a lot. It's almost like a whole new song. Check it out for yourself!!!

1. "Alone" by Heart (originally by I-10) (who?!?)
     This was for me, the biggest shock of them all. "Alone" is one of my favorite songs EVER and I have heard covers of Heart's version, karaoke versions, American Idol versions, etc, etc, etc, loving them all because I just love to hear that song. So finding out it was written for a couple of prestigious and successful songwriters PET project, was insane to me. Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly are two well known songwriters who very often worked as a duo. They have written other big hits such as "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles and "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (You didn't really think all of these 80's ladies wrote their own shit did you?) and, come to find out, "Alone" by Heart. BUT WAIT, THAT'S NOT IT. Guess which 70's TV heartthrob covered this song BEFORE Heart even did?! None other than Full House's John Stamos!! He sang it on the soundtrack for the 1984 sitcom Dreams in which he starred. WOAH. SO before we all were blessed with the kick ass Heart version, we had John Stamos swooning with (sort of) the same words. 

I-Ten's version:

John Stamos' version:

So there you have it, my top ten most shocking cover discoveries. But before I leave you, I have more presents. Since I have an extensive catalog of music in my brain and I research this stuff constantly, there were hundreds of songs I came across that I personally already knew as covers, that you might not have known were. So I will give you those here:

• "Red Red Wine" by UB40, originally by Neil Diamond, listen to the original here. 
• "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor, originally written by Prince and performed by The Family, listen to the original  here.
• "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, originally by Dolly Parton, listen to the original here.
• "All Along The Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix, originally by Bob Dylan, listen to the original here.
• "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, originally by Leonard Cohen, listen to the original here.
• "Twist and Shout" by The Beatles, originally "Shake it up, Baby" by The Top Notes, listen to the RARE original here.
• "Hard To Handle" by The Black Crowes, originally by Otis Redding, listen to the original here.
• "Knockin' On Heavens Door" by Guns N Roses, originally by Bob Dylan, listen to the original here.
• "Me & Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin, originally by Kris Kristofferson, listen to the original here.
• "Proud Mary" by Tina Turner, originally by CCR, listen to the original here.

And I will end this post with a fun fact: James Brown's original music has been sampled into modern hip-hop music over ONE THOUSAND TIMES! Craziness.
 Night all!